


I Would Have

by sweatersandchailattes



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Fluff, I cried when i wrote this, I killed someone, I said fluff but angst, Internal Struggle, M/M, Monologue, Pining, Please read!, RIP, Sweet, cryyyyyy, dont let the word count scare you!, i know it's short, non-edited, quick write, right off the block, the raw stuff, whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-11-15 11:17:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11229834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweatersandchailattes/pseuds/sweatersandchailattes
Summary: Loving him blinds him. But it's the strongest pair of glasses he'll ever need.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this was a spontaneous write! I give thanks to everyone on the Voltron Amino who helped me to get through my WB. give a kudos and a comment!

_I always dream about what we could've been_.

I would have kissed you so many times, as much as I wanted to. I would have spent more time with you. I would have told you that I loved you a long time ago. But I know you would hate to read this, because you want me to be more than some idiotic fanboy writing sad letters from me to you. But that's where you're wrong. I love you so much more than words could ever express. When I wake in the morning, my first thoughts are of you. My last thoughts before sleeping are of you. You're what inspires me to work harder. Watching you train, determination turning those dark eyes into cool, composed steel, makes me want to be better. Be better than what I would have been, wasting away at the Garrison, training to be a blasted cargo pilot.

I want to be more than that.

When the door would have slid shut behind us, I would have looked down at your flushed face, silently counting all the little freckles that were sprinkled across your nose from years of working in the sun. You would have scowled at me for pulling you into my room, because paladins don't have messy makeout sessions in each other's bedrooms. But I would have kissed you anyways; kissed every sun-kissed inch of you. Because I love you too much to let you go, to let you slip between the gaps of my fingertips.

I would have counted the stars at night with you when we lay awake in my bed together, slowly until we fell asleep at each other's side. I would have smiled at you as we woke up to the small rays of sunshine filtering through my window.

But now's a totally different story. I didn't do what I wanted to do with you; I never kissed you after a mission in my bedroom, I didn't count the stars with you, I never woke up with you beside me.

I wish I would have.

Now I count the stars by myself, thinking of you in every moment. When I see those dazzling smiles you have after doing something you like, I remember what I failed to do. What I never did. When I see your fingers twitch on the table after dinner, when it's just us two, as if you want to hold my hand, I remember whispered secrets I would have told you. When you look forward with those steely, steady, deep eyes, I remember the look on your face that you made when I would have kissed you. When I would have loved you.

I feel my breath catch in my throat when you walk past me, when your arms brush my own, when you say words of encouragement over the mic on missions, when we're busy kicking Galra ass.

We never say rising into love, because in it, there is the idea of the fall.

And, Keith, I have fallen so hard into love with you.

I love every inch of your body; I love your beautiful eyes that could hold the starry sky in them, endlessly wise and careful. I love your hands, hands that could fit into mine like two halves of a whole. I love your hair, hair that could glide through my fingers when I brush it. I love your freckles. I love your laugh. I love your smile.

I love you.

When the rest of our team talks about strategy, I think of protecting you. Even as a recruit in the Garrison, I thought of you. I used to tell myself that I hated you, that you were the only reason I got accepted as a fighter pilot. But deep down inside, I knew that I could never hate you.

I hope you felt the same way with me.

I hope you read this, Keith, and see how much I love you. I hope you read it and think of me. I hope you still don't think I'm a lovesick fool that would do anything to get you back.

I hope you never read this, Keith, and see how much of a lovesick fool I am. I hope you never read it, and find out that I'm a stupid pilot that would risk everything for you.

Because, damn, I would do anything for my queen. And God help anyone who disrespected the queen.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'll hate me for this.

Sitting at my desk, staring at my computer, I feel the brush of your letter against my fingers as I move to click my mouse. I remember how you bought me this computer from the space mall, insisting that I needed it. I flush just remembering it all. You pulled me into the bathroom, watching as my face erupted into a hot blush. I...you kissed me, right there, in a space mall bathroom stall. My lips tingle at the memory. I miss that.

The letter you sent me is frayed slightly at the edges, the ink from the text gone light. And then I remember. It crashes over me in waves, brutal like angry ocean currents. I shiver.

I remember that two years ago, you died.

I hate talking about it. But here I am, clutching to one of the last pieces of evidence I have of you. A murder weapon, sitting there next to my hand. A weapon against my heart, a weapon I never realized would ever come into effect. I feel you through those long-forgotten words, I see your smiling face in them. I miss you so much; I miss you more than words could ever express. We are not a god's chosen, but a god's cursed. I knew that from the beginning, cast out of the Garrison and living in the small shack in the middle of nowhere.

Then you found me, trying to rescue Shiro. And I can't say that in that moment, everything changed.

I wouldn't have been a paladin of Voltron. I wouldn't have met Allura or Coran. I wouldn't have been able to rescue Shiro, I admit.

I push away from my computer and unfold your letter, running my fingers gently over the type. Without realizing, a hot tear snakes its way down my face and drips down on the worn paper. I don't stop the ink from swirling off the page and turning the transparent droplet black. It reminds me of you.

Of how you died.

We were out fighting Zarkon's forces, just a month after we started dating. You were joking lightheartedly about something I can't remember, but I know I laughed. Shiro was dead quiet, and Pidge scolded us for our "PDA". We landed at the planet, and we got out of our lions. We fought back-to-back, and I made sure to protect you to the best of my ability. But it wasn't enough.

...

I wasn't enough.

You lay on your back, a devastating sword wound ripping through your stomach, leaving ragged skin open and blood coursing between your tightly clutched fingers. I vaguely remember screaming, and I watched as the forces were overwhelmed with red. So much red.

I fell to my knees before you, my eyes wide and filling with hot tears I couldn't bear to let shed. You smiled up at me, those endlessly deep azure eyes meeting my own. You took my hand in yours as we rushed you back to the castle--anything to save you. You whispered in my ear before that last bittersweet breath left those beautiful lips, lips that I used to kiss swollen, now cracked and bloody.

I remember what you whispered.

"I would have."

Watching your eyes grow dark and glassy, I wiped my tears. I stopped Coran from putting you in there, crying as we all stopped. The world held its bated breath, as if it has stopped entirely. Tears fell from everyone as we realized, with sluggish speed, that we wouldn't hear your jokes anymore. We wouldn't throw food at you for something stupid over dinner. I wouldn't feel your lips on mine.

The sound of seven hearts shattering at once is rather loud, I realized.

...

I fold away your letter and store it away, wiping away my tears. I shut down my computer.

Lance, if you're out there, and if you have a hold of this letter...

I love you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the support, kudos, and comments! This series has come to an end....maybe.


End file.
